This is the hundredth blog on Satchitananda Reflections. This milestone was made possible to many sincere readers who are eager to learn more from the roots of Sanatana Dharma. Due to these high expectations, they have made me grow deeper in my Sadana. Special thanks to those who kept encouraging me through comments, calls, texts. I am sincerely humbled at the numerous who shared their experiences of how these blogs, which have evolved also as podcasts and youtube channel, have impacted in their personal lives. Bowing repeatedly to Bhagawan’s lotus feet for his karuna to use this vessel to channel HIS knowledge.
Relationships are at the heart of every human interaction. Even many animals reveal this facet, the importance of which may be ignored by humans. The subject (Jivatma) views, feels and interacts with another in the world (jagat/object). Apart from the bias in the subject’s action or object’s reaction, the state of mind plays a huge role in its perception, adding more bias. Typically this equation is normally understood as relationship. The different colors and hues of relationship have given to a complex understanding of the nature of relationship.
Is there a simpler basis to all relationships? Is there something beyond the subject-object association? Is there a basis for lasting benefit to the participants? We all perceive the degradation of values in the society, thus resulting in lower quality of relationship overall. Is there a simple way to fix this? Is there a role model we can uniformly look up to?
The answer to the above questions and more is Rama. Sanatana Dharma views the individual subject as Jiva. The remainder of living and non living entities that makes the rest is Jagat. The Jiva perceives a constant lack in itself that keeps urging it to fulfill or take it from the world. This is the driver behind desires. The Jagat may not only supply but also extract something in return from the Jiva. There is a third more important entity that envelope both the Jiva and the Jagat, which is more than the sum total, Ishwara. This Ishwara operates in the Jagat as Dharma. Every time some Dharma is perceived as operational, the hand of bhagawan can be felt.
The natural bias that creeps into every relationship due to the subjectivity and vasanas which favors one participant over the other that upsets the symbiosis can easily be rectified. By upholding Dharma, which is quite subtle to understand or follow, one can raise above the subject-object interaction, thereby enhancing the quality of relationship and greater benefit to all participants.
Rama’s stellar example: Rama is often referred as Maryada Purushottama. His opponent, Mareecha described him as रामो विग्रहवान् धर्मः (Ramo vigrahavan dharmaha – the embodiment of dharma). Throughout his life we see his struggle a lot, yet pursue an arduous path to uphold dharma at all costs. It also seems to seemingly conflict in certain cases, due to our ignorant thinking; something we can quickly dispel by studying great acharyas insights. Why so much fuss about Dharma and why so much struggle? Is there evidence it really raised the quality of relationship? Let us dive into some relationships Rama had with others and immensely benefit from this exercise.
Rama and his parents: Rama was the heartbeat of Dasaratha. Rama fulfilled every wish even before Dasaratha uttered. He treated his step mothers as his own. Understanding that Dasaratha was in trouble, even before trying to comprehend, he promises Kaikeyi that Dasaratha’s words will be honored. Satya is at the heart of Sanatana Dharma.
- Dharma follower: Relationships are based on mutual trust. Personal discomfort is not even a factor when honoring dharma. Dasaratha’s words were to be honored. The issue is not why son, as in Ikshavakus have wonderful examples in Harischandra and Bhagiratha.
- Dharma enabler: Kausalya, out of her strong love for Rama, was about to step her bounds of her Dharma by wanting to follow him to the forest. Rama strongly forbades this choice. It is important that not only does one follow Dharma but also strongly act as a Dharma enabler, in one’s sphere of influence.
Citizens of Ayodhya: Rama could have easily followed Dasaratha’s desire or Lakshmana’s outrage and led a rebellion which would have had no opposition. All the citizens wanted Rama to lead. Many even followed him to the shores of Ganga. Rama threw them off track. Bharata brought all the citizens to Chitrakoota to influence Rama and to crown him. Though Dasaratha was dead, all his wives, brothers, citizens and rishis wanted him to rule, Rama was fixated on Satya and Dharma. Even Jaabali’s twisted arguments failed to dent Rama’s resolve.
- Do not waver from Dharma: Concessions will be given when one follows extreme dharma. The test is not to lower the standards. Imagine a Ramayana where Rama went back to appease his citizens. It would have demonstrated his love for their words, at the cost of sacrificing dharma.
Rishis: The real relationship Rama proactively sought throughout is his life was the company of Rishis. Satsangha was at the heart of Rama’s focus on Dharma. The message Rama gives through his personal example is to constantly focus on Satsangha, as that is the only anti dote to counter the ailments of the Jagat. The western prism reduces this to glorifying casteism. One must note that Sabari and her guru, neither belonged to this categorization, as rishis transcend varnas, which are only for societal organization.
- Constant Satsangha is required to protect Dharma, the understanding and observance of which gets diluted by merely living our daily lives.
Brothers of Rama: The equation of Rama was different with his different brothers. They also looked at him uniquely. Lakshmana argues with Rama to keep his privileges to serve him. Bharata is ready to surrender his personal desires to observe Rama’s words at any cost. He is ready to bargain for some concessions and makes his own stance by taking a vow. Shatrughna is happy to serve the Bhagavata than Bhagawan. All three have unique relationships, though all are different forms of the same intense love they have for Rama.
- The common factor amongst all the brothers is their love and respect for Rama, yet there is strong independence to express their vasanas. Relationships cannot be conformant to rigid ideas and must have their liberty to evolve in a dharmic way. Perception and following of dharma will differ depending on our understanding and practice.
Sita: The most brilliant example of happy relationships. We may deal with her relationship to Rama exclusively separately.
- We already saw the idea of Dharma follower and enabler. No better example exists in Ramayana as dharma enabler. She lives to the words of her father Janaka, who gives her hand in marriage to Rama by saying इयं सीता मम सुता सहधर्मचरी तव (iyam sita mama suta sahadharmchari tava VR 1-73-26b)
- Sita fights for her right to follow her dharma. Rama initially applies a superficial dharma to protect her from the forest life. When she vehemently reacted, Rama acknowledges her position as highly correct and is very pleased to oblige.
- Sita never hesitates to clarify if Rama seemingly was turning towards a gray area. Though Rama never did, she kept an active channel of questioning. In a happy relationship, one or both the players must do this dharma check and have the courage to bring it back. Though Vibhishana does a similar role for Ravana, only go get his life threatened. Freedom to question the motives of actions in relationships based on dharma is very vital for happy relationships.
Guha: Good lasting relationships are always with equals. One’s status in life maybe very different outside the relationship, but for a lasting thriving relationship, the players must be on equal footing. Rama demonstrates that by declaring Guha, a mere boatman belonging to a forest tribe, as his brother. Rama saw the pure heart of the simpleton Guha, who would even want to validate Lakshmana’s love and question Bharata’s intentions with an army for the sake of his love for Rama.
- Pure intentions are at the heart of good relationships. Good relationships are always inclusive, but grounded in dharma.
Jatayu: Rama first saw this bird, mortally wounded. The bird fought valiantly as dharma enabler, despite knowing its chances against Ravana were none.
- When dharma is replaced by convenience and selfishness, relationships turn sour.
- Though fighting for a worthy cause, Jatayu gave its breath, its actions made Rama to grace the bird with Moksha.
- Dharma observance even in small relationships like being a good traveler in a bus or worker in office, with a right attitude will protect our mind from being corrupt. But when one observes it in bigger relationships like a marriage, it leads to the mutual growth, depending on how much we translate these dharmic thoughts into action.
Kabandha/Sabari/Vaali/Sugriva: Escaping from the death grip of Kabandha, following his instructions, Rama destroys his body to release the Gandharva Danu from his curse. Per his suggestion, he seeks out Sabari who gives directions to find Sugriva, who is oppressed by his brother Vaali.
- Even if relationship is brief, like with Kabandha, if it is based on Satya and Dharma, goodness accrues.
- Rama’s sole reasoning to seek and befriend Sugriva, the weaker one, was based on Kabandha’s Satyavachana. If intellect alone made the choice, picking Vaali would have made sense. Not only that, Rama enters into a pact with Sugriva and even kills Vaali, in a questionable way.
- Sabari shows a different level of relationship, one steeped in bhakti. Rama partakes the pretasted portions of fruits, making Lakshmana gasp. Purity and devotedness are the hallmarks of good dharmic relationships.
- Sugriva though the beneficiary of Kabandha’s insight to Rama, is happy to slip back to worldly pleasures. Rama not only gives him a long rope of months, but also is cautious to restrain Lakshmana who was sent as a messenger. Relationships are based on being flexible and forgiveness. We get the idea of forgiveness is a natural evolution in Santana Dharma as we dive deep in Ahalya’s vimochana.
- Sugriva gets a long roadmap to evolve in his relationship with Rama. He begins with suspicion, and then casts doubts on Rama’s abilities and then his intention, graduates to getting immersed into worldly ways and then wake up to his duties. He is ready to give his entirety – all the resources in his kingdom and their lives at the feet of Rama’s mission. All Dharmic relationships evolve for the better, unlike regular relationships that can hit a roller coaster.
- Following Dharma even in dire circumstances comes with big benefits.
Vibhishana: Rama was quick to spot the certainty of Vibhishana and his commitment to Dharma, hence granted Saranagati, despite being a brother of the enemy.
- Doubts and confusion from others must not rock the relationship if it is built on Dharma. Trust is a mere outward recognition.
- Dharma gives strength and meaning to the actions as Vibhishana is never confused on the reasons to oppose Ravana. He is not driven by desire to get glory or power, though Rama coronates him, even ahead of the war.
Ravana: It will be hard to omit Rama’s relationship even with the enemy. He was fair. He let go of Ravana’s spies – Suka and Charana, who were caught by Vibhishana. He grants them not only life, but also all the information they had come for. Rama lets Ravana go after thoroughly defeating him, instead of killing. After his death, when Vibhishana refuses to light his pyre. Rama advises him to give up enmity in his heart as it is pertaining to only the body.
- Only when one sees even the enemy with respect, one’s stature grows. In inimical relationships, the grounding is Dharma. This is very evident when Hanuman seeks a boon to crush all the rakshasis who tormented Sita. Sita teaches humanity a lesson by seeking to forgive circumstance driven violence and give a chance to reform.
Hanuman: This relationship is beyond words to fathom. Hanuman saw Rama as Brahman personified not due to his fear or desire, but due to deep personal understanding and knowledge. This gave him exquisite opportunities to tap unlimited resources within at a time of crisis.
- When one realizes the inner truth, they are bound to see it outside. Thus altering the resources one commands. The super human feats of Hanuman would have been impossible but for his connection to Rama as Parabrahman.
- We can dive deeper into the real nature of our identity and how it gets stolen from Practical Krishna – our stolen identity.
- Relationship is rooted in dharma, not one’s desires and aspirations or duties. The errors in having happy, prosperous relationships are owing to the ignorance about dharma as a key factor.
- Dharma follower and enabler are critical for the ecosystem. Note that Dharma cannot be imposed like a human law as it operates in a different realm. Dharma understanding comes with Satsangha and study of scriptures, but real insight comes only by sincere practice.
- Observance and operating from Dharma allows us to operate beyond the pleasure-pain paradigm that is the driver for Desires, which push us on the perilous path of Karma resulting in Janma which is needed to exhaust the vasana baggage and pushing us in an endless cycle of misery called Samsara.
- When there is abject dejection, merely following and upholding dharma opens the door of options to betterment and hope.
- The subject (Jiva) ignores the domain within, the one that is rooted in vasanas, raga dvesha (likes and dislikes). It believes incorporating the object of desire from Jagat will make it more complete, but due to this desire and attachment, overlooks dharma operating in the Jagat. Thus, ignoring the within and dharma outside, the skewed approach to relationships is at the root of all failed relationships.
ॐ तत् सत