Featured Post

Question & Answers - 4 - Why can I not feel the God within

Q4a: If God is within why do I not feel the presence? Q4b: I can feel that there is more to me than the body, mind, intellect, but...

Friday, February 25, 2022

Only Krishna saves - Pandava Bandho

    Krishna keeps saving the Pandavas repeatedly. We saw in Only Krishna saves – so many saves in a day, how Krishna pulled out the Pandavas from certain death at least four times in a single day. We have seen throughout the different episodes of Only Krishna saves series that Krishna is the Pandava Bandho. This grace is not limited only to the Pandavas, but also manifests in our daily lives. Being not cognizant, we fail to realize this wondrous occurrence. If we train our minds to realize this subtlety, our awe for this divine force, that is constantly guiding us towards our spiritual growth, increases. We turn our attention to one of the smallest Parvas in the MahabharataStri Parva. We find the following series of incidents that happen in a short span of time that gives the powerful hand of Krishna that keeps protecting Dharma, even when least expected.


Storytime:

            The Mahabharata war wiped out eighteen akshauhinis. There was grief in both camps – Pandavas and Kauravas. There was no victor as loss and misery overwhelmed everywhere. Dhritarashtra was in a state of deep sorrow with strong traces of guilt. He remembered how Krishna pleaded for only five villages to restore peace. Bhishma, Drona, Vidura, Vyasa and many sages advised the path of peace, which he had ignored due to his arrogance that was fueled by extreme selfishness. His mind was clouded by dreams of son’s victory due to his attachment. When the delusion was replaced with the reality of extreme destruction all around, the shock was unbearable. Dhritarashtra found solace in the words of Vidura. Later he met the only three surviving warriors on his side, who shared the brave deeds of his army. Eventually Aswattama returned to Vyasa’s ashrama, Kritavarma back to Dwaraka and Kripa returned to Hastinapura along with Dhritarashtra.

Saving Bhima: Having obtained the intelligence of Dhritarashtra’s presence in Hastinapura, Yudhishtra proceeded to meet him, along with his brothers, Krishna, Yuyudhana (Satyaki) and Yuyutsu. They were followed by Draupadi and all the bereaving women. They beheld the women from Hastinapura, who in their deep sorrow raised questions to Yudhishtra, if his heart is now calm after the deaths of Bhishma, Drona and the thousands of warriors. They questioned what was the use of such a victory and throne.

    Yudhishtra went and fell at his uncle’s feet. A reluctant Dhritarashtra embraced him and spoke few words of comfort. But his heart was seething in rage, as he eagerly sought out Bhima, the war hero who had hunted each of his hundred sons in a sea of army and killed them. Krishna understood the darkness in the ruler’s heart and dragged Bhima away, who was about to step in. Instead, Krishna presented the iron statue of similar features, which was typically used by Duryodhana for training his mace. Seizing both the arms of the statue, the grief fueled by extreme wrath, Dhritarashtra, who was endowed with extreme strength, reduced it to pieces. In the process, the crumbling statue hurt his chest and began to vomit blood and fell down. Sanjaya lifted him up and began to comfort him. Regaining composure, Dhritarashtra’s guilty mind came back to composure and lament the demise of Bhima. Krishna intervened and informed him of the truth and how his used the contrivance to snatch Bhima from the jaws of certain death. Krishna pleaded Dhritarashtra to accept the reality.

    Krishna reminded that Dhritarashtra must learn to introspect and respect the guidance given by Mahatmas. Dhritarashtra apologized that his parental attachment had made him lose his righteousness. He thanked Krishna for saving Bhima and went on to embrace all the other Pandavas.

Gandhari’s rage: Being a great tapasvini, the greatest danger came from Gandhari, who was in grave distress. Her mind was completely in deep sorrow which threatened to explode as a volcanic outrage. As her mind was rooted in dharma, this expression as rage would have disastrous consequences. The arrival of the Pandavas was accentuating this grave possibility. There were three waves of threats that emanated from Gandhari. Vyasa, who is also celebrated as Narayana’s avatara understood the dark possibilities. He made his sudden appearance there. A Rishi is always intent on the greater benefit of all creatures. As the thoughts were welling up to express in the form of a curse from Gandhari, Vyasa interjected and pleaded Gandhari not to utter a curse, though she might feel justified. He reminded her to re-purpose her thoughts on forgiveness. Vyasa reminded that how Gandhari’s mind was deep-rooted in Dharma that even Duryodhana seeking victory as a blessing was always responded with “Let victory be where Dharma is”, by Gandhari. Vyasa reminded that a powerful tapasvini like her can never utter words in vain.

    Vyasa reminded that the Pandavas were able to come out of this dreaded war only by taking shelter under Dharma. Being an ardent practitioner of Dharma and who expressed it proactively through forgiveness, Gandhari must subdue her anger and restore dharmic thoughts. Vyasa’s timely intervention (another form of the same Narayana) proved very effective in quelling the rage. With a balanced mind, Gandhari realized that her role was no different than Kunti, when it came to the Pandavas in protecting them. She recollected that the Kaurava side succumbed to arrogance and pride and there was no fault on the Pandavas.

Gandhari’s resentment: As Gandhari recalled the deaths of her sons at the hands of Bhima, her thoughts centered on Bhima’s action around the death of Duryodhana. The trembling Bhima acknowledged that Duryodhana was invincible in battle. Yet he used unrighteous means to dethrone Yudhishtra, which had to be countered by any means. He openly sought her forgiveness for violating the rules of the war, which he pointed out was done out of fear of his own life. He reminded of all the hostilities Duryodhana had unleashed. He sought justice for the horrible abuse of Draupadi and how the Pandavas patiently suffered, only due to the dharma minded Yudhishtra. Even though they finished the terms of the game, devoid of wrath, they were still denied justice.

    Gandhari’s mind was accepting the honest utterance of Bhima about her son’s invincibility in a fair mace fight. But her mind raced to the fact when Vrishasena, Karna’s son, on day seventeen summarily defeated Nakula and shortly thereafter Bhima attacked Duhshasana and killed him. Having done that he quaffed the blood (though according to his earlier pledge). Gandhari asked when it was his own brother, how could such a ghastly act be tenable. Bhima reported that he merely passed the blood against his lips to keep up his kshatriya vow. The words uttered when Draupadi was abused must be held per Kshatra dharma. Also the morale of the Pandava army was sagging with Vrishasena’s victory of Nakula. To restore the balance and focus to his side, he had to do a terrible deed to restore hopes. Shortly thereafter, Arjuna killed Vrishasena even though within the protective grasp of Karna as Arjuna wanted to give the taste of the bitter situation caused by Abhimanyu’s death.

    Gandhari lamented why Bhima had to kill all her hundred sons and leave the blind couple hopeless. Their deaths also seem to be tainted with adharmic means (though her mind did not realize it was mere karmaphala). Her mind was unable to digest that not one son survived Bhima’s vow.

Yudhishtra in Gandhari’s crosshair: As her mind began to accept the reality and the responses of Bhima who was equally rooted in Dharma, she inquired about Yudhishtra. The trembling King with folded hands and soft voice filled with deep sorrow came forward and addressed her. He acknowledged that he alone was responsible for this universal destruction and was certainly qualified for her curse. Yudhishtra was still overwhelmed at the carnage, yet was afraid of Gandhari’s words. Perceptive of Yudhishtra’s mind, Gandhari uttered nothing and her response were mere long sighs. The Dharma centered Gandhari, who always wore a eyefold, gazed through the folds of the cloth and her gaze fell upon Yudhishtra’s toes. As Yudhishtra was about to fall at her feet, she gazed the tip of his toe and the nails became sore. Seeing this frightening scenario, the trembling Arjuna hid behind Krishna. As the wave of anger crossed the heart of Gandhari, she began to affectionately look at the Pandavas with motherly love.

    Kunti saw her children after a long time, now expressed her love as tears, seeing not only the deaths caused due to the war, but also the wounds on the Pandavas bodies. She embraced each one and finally broke down as she hugged Draupadi, who also had lost everything from her father, brothers and sons. Gandhari stepped in to comfort Draupadi by reminding that they shared a similar plight and that they need to hold on to dharma and courage. She lamented that was the price of ignoring Vidura and Krishna’s pleas for peace; the end result was only complete destruction.

Gandhari curses Krishna: Blessed by Vyasa, Gandhari was able to get a vision to Kurukshetra and witness the carnage. She was able to see the thousands of scattered bodies and the wild animals feasting on the flesh. Then at Vyasa’s comand, Dhritarashtra, Yudhishtra followed by the women and rest visited the battlefield. The horrific scene of thousands of dead warriors appeared more gruesome with the feasting jackals, vultures, dogs, raven and other animals. Gandhari repeatedly addressed Krishna as her mind was moved deeply at the sight of different warrior’s body. Seeing multiple generations dead in the battlefield evoked intense pain in the heart of Gandhari. Though others were deeply distressed, it was she who could address her thoughts repeatedly to Krishna.

    As she came near each dead son or grandson, her lamentations grew louder as she recalled the good times she had with them. As her emotions were cresting with each son, seeing other dead warriors, she lamented how such strong men have failed in the mission to protect her children. The battlefield was not fair to anyone and it swallowed everyone’s lives. Recalling the bravery and the might of each warrior like Bhishma, Drona, Karna and numerous others on her side, it seemed like an impossible feat that only the Pandavas came out of this firestorm unscathed. The grief blinded Gandhari’s senses and it morphed into wrath. She felt increasingly convinced in her heart that it was entirely Krishna’s fault.

    She burst her emotions vociferously at Krishna. She knew when Krishna returned to Upaplavya after his desperate attempt to make peace that complete destruction was imminent. Vyasa and Vidura advised her to cease her affections towards her sons, as they were a lost cause. Deprived of her senses, Gandhari fell to the ground only to rise up with renewed anger against Krishna. As her mind weighed on the complete destruction, she could only fault Keshava. She realized if Krishna wanted he could have given up the indifference and prevented this absolute annihilation. She invoked her Pativrata and her taposadhana shakti to curse Krishna. After thirty six years, she cursed that Krishna will be indifferent and watch the self destruction of his kinsmen, sons and relatives. The women of his clan will be reduced to the same pitiable state as the Bharatas. Krishna with a faint smile acknowledged that the Vrishnis are unbeatable even at the hands of Devas or manavas and only he alone had to power to destroy them. Therefore they will fall at each others’ hands. The calm statement of Krishna left the Pandavas stupefied and hopeless. Krishna reminded Gandhari of the evil actions of Duryodhana, which were ignored due to the parental attachment. He reminded that by grieving for the lost and dead, one only compounds the misery and makes it two-fold. Though Gandhari’s heart was agitated, she remained silent even as Yudhishtra and Dhritarashtra proceeded with the funeral of the fallen warriors.


Practical applications:

Be perceptive/alert: Krishna repeatedly demonstrates the importance of being alert and perceptive to the surroundings. He was quick to spot the dark thoughts emanating in Dhritarashtra regarding Bhima. He quickly substituted the iron statue instead of Bhima, which was reduced to pieces, owing to Dhritarashtra’s tremendous strength and anger. Vyasa demonstrated a similar ability, being an avatara of Narayana. When Gandhari was buried in grief and it began emanating as a curse, he appeared there in time to protect the Pandavas.Earlier in Only Krishna saves – so many saves in a day we saw the same pattern when Krishna quickly ended his Hastinapura visit to console Dhritarashtra and Gandhari as he sensed Aswattama’s evil plans. Being alert and sensitive to others help us to anticipate other’s actions or reactions better. The adage “forewarned is forearmed” is very apt in this context. It also helps us to empathize with others and help us have better relationships.

Be fair at all times: Gandhari when appealed by Vyasa to not get carried away with her anger and to curse the Pandavas, pauses and lets her anger be diluted against Bhima in the form of few questions. Bhima who was fair even though he did terrible deeds during the war, was able to point out that he never violated Dharma. Acknowledging Duryodhana’s superiority calmed her agitated mind. His act of touching his lips with Dushshasana’s blood had to be explained in detail and that was possible only because Krishna warned Bhima not to accidentally sip the asuric blood. Listening to Krishna and being fair though he had to fulfil a terrible vow, saved him from Gandhari’s curse. It is imperative to slow down a tad and let our Buddhi and Dharma guide our actions, rather than an emotion driven mind.

Anger and spirituality correlation: A normal person blinded by anger may wreck himself or those immediately around in rage. The post realization of actions done in anger is always guilt and shame. Dhritarashtra pointed his anger towards Bhima and crushed the iron statue without realizing the switch. But a Sadhu or Tapasvi who normally keeps their senses under their control, when provoked, it is very difficult to bear such an anger. That is why we see Yudhishtra fear her words so much that he sent Krishna as an emissary to inform about the events of the war and pacify her. Despite this, mere sight of Bhima invokes her rage. Bhima’s timely humility, hiding his blunt bravado form, calmed Gandhari, whose seething anger burnt the toes of Yudhistra though she did not intend to hurt him. It finally crested again, when seeing complete destruction of the Kuru vamsha owing to Krishna’s indifference. Spiritual person’s anger is far more powerful than a physical expression of anger with mere body, mind or intellect.

Divine protection in many forms: Krishna ensures his constant proactive presence with the Pandavas to ensure their wellbeing. We also see numerous times when Vyasa appears suddenly to change the direction of the discourse or offer his advice. Bhagawan also constantly remains in our life not as mere witness, but also as a guide. Only a Saatvic buddhi can tap into this wisdom. We see Gandhari was successfully able to, even though she was on the verge of verbalizing a curse. Our Sattva guna is the bridge to this divinity, hence the importance given to make it predominant by replacing the rajas and tamas.

Forgiveness: We analyzed this in great depth in Forgiveness – one of Mahabharata’s central themes.

Best way to break emotional (anger) cycle: There are two levels to breaking this emotional cycle. The one that concerns majority of us will involve elevating our mind that is mired with a singular idea of its (modified) desire with buddhi. If the emotions have not overwhelmed us, this may work. But once a person is on the threshold of breaking the norms, if a person is habituated to abiding in dharma, just like Vyasa’s advice was pointed, the dharmic person may be receptive. Yet a deeply dharmic person like Gandhari when facing grief that rages as wrath, she points it towards Krishna. Having a personal connection with Bhagawan ensures that anyone can have this safety release mechanism.

    Dharma is repeatedly seen as the sole savior of the Pandavas. Dharma cemented Krishna’s permanent presence with the Pandavas. Dharma also gave the courage to Draupadi, Kunti, Gandhari and the rest to overcome the indescribable grief. Dharma alone gave the strength to Bhima to face Gandhari’s pointed questions. Dharma is the sole refuge for the Jivas to overcome their basal vasanas. Dharma alone uplifts our emotional mind to Bhagawan’s lotus feet. Let us commit to understanding, following, upholding and protecting Dharma at all times and at all costs. May Bhagawan keep our Buddhi rooted in Dharma.


तत् सत

Friday, February 11, 2022

Pativrata's tips on keeping husband in finger tips

             Marriage is a beautiful union that gives birth to the idea of a family. Unfortunately, wokeism has hijacked this concept. The Abrahamic mindset has a contract based relationship as its foundation. But, Sanatana Dharma views it as a platform for both the husband and wife to co-evolve and complement each other in Dharma. It is viewed more than a field for lust to play out or an opportunity to comingle the assets. Kama limits the vision to I, me and myself; mere projection of ahamkara. Artha definitely is broader as it involves the societal interactions. Dharma, however, broadens the vision to encompass all the systems, in short global. Thus viewing the world through the prism of Dharma allows a holistic understanding, besides effective attainment of Artha and Kama that is contained within. In Bhagavatam’s pointers to an ideal marriage, we dived into some key aspects for a happy, prosperous marriage.

            In Sanatana Dharma, woman is considered as the torchbearer, the one who passes the legacy and the lynchpin in upholding and following Dharma. There are many ritual and spiritual activities involving the woman that keeps her intellect and spiritual focus sharp. Today the feminazis and the Woke movement, deliberately malign these practices by distorting the messages around them. We see this every year for Karva Chauth or for traditional wearing of bindi. Women are constantly ridiculed for not following the spirit of anarchy even as it does not serve their cause.

            In a dharmic marriage both the spouses have equal responsibility. It is unfortunate that in many families, it becomes a lopsided affair. The conventional patriarchial mindset complicates the equation with the clashing feminazi one. Being the one who is closer to dharmic values naturally and the custodian of traditions, the woman has an advantage of keeping the family on tracks. To understand this subtlety one must discard the lame feminazi lens and focus on higher values. Draupadi offers powerful insight into the psychology of the male. She offers life altering advice on having a great marriage, where the husband is emotionally and spiritually tied to the woman, who is rooted deep in dharma.

 

Storytime:

            Draupadi and Satyabhama have a heart to heart conversation towards the end of Vana Parva in the Mahabharata. Satyabhama raises the question on how Draupadi has managed to keep her five husbands spell-bound. The Pandavas seem to bend over backwards to ensure that Draupadi’s interests and desires are always accommodated. Satyabhama wondered about the techniques adopted – vows, asceticism, mantra japa, science, youth and beauty, homas, giving some medicines, applying special collyrium or using certain chemicals during bath? Satyabhama was interested in learning these methods and apply it on Krishna, so he can also be spellbound to her.

            Shocked at the question, Draupadi exclaimed how she will know the ways of an unchaste woman. She highlighted the vanity and dangers of the methods outlined for keeping the husband in control. She showcased the limitations and the side effects of these perilous techniques, which will find traction only with evil minded women. She went on to provide various personal practices which has brought the Pandavas closer to her. Though her advice was centered on her experiences and practices, the same is gender neutral and works for both husband and wife and they include:

  • Keeping aside vanity, curbing the desires and anger, serve the spouse with complete devotion. Free from jealousy, filled with devotion, the service quality must be unparalleled.
  • Consciously avoid evil or bad thoughts, words that might translate as looks or actions that could act as a barrier between her and her husbands.
  •  Never be attracted to any other person and cause infidelity even in mind.
  •  Never eat, bathe or sleep till the husbands and even the attendants have. Again a hallmark of a selfless service oriented leader. The fact she includes attendants highlights that she was not a mere dharma follower, but a dharma enabler of highest order.
  • When the husband is returning home from outside, she always gets up, offers water and a seat.
  • Keep the house orderly and presentable. Ensure that food is available at appropriate times.
  • Never indulge in anger, fret or imitate evil minded persons. Keeping idleness and laziness at bay, staying productive and purposeful.
  • Never laugh without a reason, unless in jest. Never hang around the house entrance (gate), stay long in places answering nature calls, pleasure gardens near the house.
  • Always avoid laughing loud or unnecessary topics that evoke intense emotions or activities that will result in later regret.
  •  Avoid the food, sleeping, ornaments or activities that the spouse is not aligned with.
  • Treat mother-in-law (Kunti) with utmost respect, with food and clothes. With her around, the entire focus of attention is always on her. Never counter her words (note that the mother-in-law depicted is also steeped in Dharma)
  •  Servitude at its best was the motto of a Pativrata. Always proactive in serving the elders of the household, ensures the smooth marital relationship.
  •  Run the entire household efficiently. In Draupadi’s case, she ran Yudhishtra’s palace. Feeding eight thousand Brahmanas on gold plates daily, ensuring the eighty thousand snataka Brahmanas were taken care properly along with their thirty maids assigned. Besides these, ten thousand Yatis, well versed in Vedas were also fed on gold plates. Draupadi served to their individual needs of food, clothes and gifts.
  • Yudhishtra had a hundred thousand girls, who were well dressed and expert in music and arts. Draupadi knew their names, tastes and features. She also knew personally the hundred thousand maids who were deployed by Yudhishtra to take care of the guests.
  • Yudhishtra had a hundred thousand horses and elephants in Indraprastha. She knew everything about the cowherds and shepherds of the establishment. Draupadi regulated their well being, resolved issues around them, thus leaving Yudhishtra to focus on other priorities of running the administration.
  •  Draupadi alone knew the income, expense, assets of the vast treasury of Yudhishtra.
  • She was the first to wake up and the last to go to bed.

 

Draupadi then turned her attention to translating and customizing her advice to Satyabhama, so she could make Krishna keep her at the center of his focus.

  • Staying free from deceit is the key to ruling the heart of the spouse (Krishna).
  • Treating the husband (spouse) as if they are deva and never letting lose his primacy.
  • When the root of all pleasures and treasures are traced as the spouse (she refers as husband), a new found respect for the spouse emerges, but also results in the deepening of interests in Dharma and eventually Moksha.
  • Even the chaste woman gets a blend of happiness mixed with sorrow. It revolves around her attitude and mindset to keep it rooted around Dharma.
  • Learn to look past the personal sufferings in serving, as obtaining anything worthwhile (great relationship) is not easy. The root of this relationship is friendship and service.
  • An example of servitude is when he enters the house, offer water to wash his feet, drink and offer a seat. This humility of putting the spouse first strengthens the relationship.
  • The eagerness and enthusiasm that one displays every time the husband enters the house, the keenness to display the love in the form of smilingly serving allows the lady to occupy the throne in his heart.
  • Even if there are many servants to do the bidding, smilingly volunteering to do all the tasks, however small or big, indicates to Krishna (husband) to reciprocate by filling his heart to overflow with love, to be offered in return.
  • Minimize the unwanted talk in his presence, as it may be a mere excuse for redirecting his emotions.
  • Take care and feed all those who are dear to Krishna, that way every time he remembers the care given, he feels fondness towards you.
  • Stay away from all those who even think inimical towards Krishna and also whose heart is given to deceit.
  •  Draupadi strongly suggested Satyabhama should stay away from the private presence with any other man, including her sons – Pradyumna and Samba, who were mothered by her co-wives.
  •  Even the women who are her friends must be of high thinking, free from papa and devoted to their husbands. The women that are given to anger, gluttony, addicted to drinks, wicked, fickle or have a tendency to steal must be avoided at all costs.
  • Good association, satsangha, will lead a person to repute and prosperity, leading one eventually to swarga and Moksha.

Thus through appropriate behavior towards one’s husband, one can not only evolve spiritually on a fast track, but have a wonderful marital bliss that can literally make life as svarga.

 

Practical applications to marital bliss

            Draupadi’s advice though is aimed at her own practices and helping Satyabhama with her question, most of the information is gender neutral. So here we make this simplified attempt to transpose her thoughts on to the modern day marriage.

  • Fidelity – It is crucial to ensure that the fidelity is a foundational inviolable principle in a marriage. This is a golden principle that must be adhered at all levels – thoughts, words and deeds. It is also the responsibility of each spouse to maintain transparency. Unnecessary margin for doubt only inserts and wedges a rift.
  • Mutual respect – Making the spouse as the primary person in life and giving them primacy allows a thriving marriage. Having vibrancy and an attitude of being excited around their presence, showing such an attitude in action every time cements the appreciation and its expression in each other’s hearts. This cannot be limited as treating them as an object of lust/desire or a vehicle to add to assets, but trying to have an equation based on mutual respect.
  • Friendship – The most foundational connection in a dharmic marriage is friendship. This is further evinced from the Saptapadi ritual in the wedding ritual. This friendship is layered with love, trust, respect and other desirable traits to strengthen this relation. Thus even though they become empty-nesters, there is no odd situation where the couples look at each other as strangers.  This friendly bond helps overcome the foibles of the personalities or the emotional swings that can happen between couples.
  • Sharing responsibilities – Both spouses must share the responsibilities according to their strengths. It cannot be a give-give or take-take relationship. Both must actively seek out the family responsibilities with eagerness and not give out to laziness, so that they either get neglected or one person gets overburdened. Supporting each other’s workload helps in smooth running of the household, but the energy shared increases the love for each other, especially with the new found respect for all the other spouse is doing.
  • Take care of the loved ones – When the spouse takes proactive interest in showing love and respect to the people that are near and dear, it demonstrates that the spouse’s interests are taken care. This also showcases the good nature of the person, which adds to their pleasing personality.
  • Minimize loose talk – This is a very important loophole that inserts a wedge. Mindless, meaningless talk tends to create an environment where misunderstandings can flourish. This can get accentuated around gossip, alcohol, drugs or even heated emotional exchange.  The irony around loose talk is it starts casual but can get slippery real quick.
  • Boundaries of fun and serious – This aligns with the earlier thought. It is important to have fun and evoke simple laughter. But care must be taken not to unconsciously step on each other’s toes. It is during these light moments that extra caution must be exercised not to hurt each other’s feelings. If one is always joking, there is also a serious issue when to take things on face value.
  • Servitude – Serving the spouse and their interests voluntarily, with a smile and eagerness must become part of the core attitude. Every time there is a thought or word exchange or a demonstration through action, there is welling up of love and respect in the heart of the doer but simultaneously invoking a similar emotion from the recipient spouse.
  • Good habits and association – It is crucial that both the spouse try to maintain good habits, be it personal, social or emotional. This allows a solid foundation for the marriage to thrive. It is very important to maintain good association that would benefit the person in all aspects of Purushartha, especially in Dharma. This dharma grounding in values and principles increases the confidence and trust of the spouse.
  • Maintain good household that is welcoming – Having the house in a pleasant welcoming nature, having proper food available at appropriate times, maintaining proper finances to run the household are some of the ways that both the spouses can make the house a friendly environment. This may not need be a luxury statement, but one that offers clean and inviting appeal.
  • Train emotions – As important as it is to maintain an inviting house, it is even more important to train the emotions and avoid outbursts. Though extra ordinary situations like a death in the family may push one over the edge, in the normal course of interactions emotions like anger, hurt, guilt or sorrow/depression must be avoided. There must be a constant glue of cheer and happiness. To maintain such a mental condition is each spouse’s personal responsibility and commitment which translates to a happy marriage.
  • Dharma – This perhaps is the least understood and most compromised principle. A good Sanatana marriage relies on the proper creation and maintenance of a dharmic platform.  Both must be dharma follower and enabler, thus creating an ecosystem to mutually benefit and complement. This dharma focused marriage will negate any negative thoughts, emotions, words or actions. This also allows the spiritual development of both the spouses using the complementary strengths. This also allows the narrow minded nature of Kama or Artha driven actions to be subsumed into a higher broad minded Dharma.

            Dharma is the real heart of the marriage. By ensuring both spouses conscious gaze and commitment on dharma, it generates all the Artha and Kama that is necessary for a healthy grihastashrama. The couples by default are able to raise children that are steeped in the same values they follow, thereby creating a wonderful ecosystem for the society. Dharma is the repeated message and theme of Draupadi’s discourse to Satyabhama. These methods were not merely to attract the spouse’s attention but for greater personal growth. The side effect of these dharmic practices is that of a healthy prosperous marriage, which in turn benefits the society at large. May we follow these wonderful tips provided by Draupadi and lead a life of Dharma that will eventually draw us closer to the final Purushartha, Moksha.

 

तत् सत