Relationships are the core of every interaction. Based on the relationship, the same action may yield different results. An infant kicking its feet on the chest will produce happiness, while an enemy attempting to kick can be aggressive escalation of hostilities. Relationship is never static. In any relationship, there is bound to be positive credit or negative debit to the balance with every single interaction. While this may be the norm, some relationships are extreme. Based on the participants, it can radically alter the nature. Certain ones can be toxic and can be avoided at best. But there is an interesting category of complicated relationship that keeps changing dynamically and one has to be sensitive to the direction and intensity.
Krishna encountered the entire range of characters. Some of the negative characters he encountered like Jarasandha, Kamsa, Duryodhana and Dhritarashtra barely changed their color, though their actions caused Krishna to respond differently. Yet there was one character that had a delicate position in Krishna’s life that Krishna had to use a lot of tact. The personality we are going to dive deep into was his brother-in-law, Rukmi.
Storytime:
This will be a compilation mostly from Srimad Bhagavatam and Mahabharata. Bhishmaka, the King of Vidarbha, had five sons – Rukmi, Rukmartha, Rukmabahu, Rukmesa and Rukmamali and one daughter – Rukmini. We saw the details of Rukmini vivaha and its secrets. The matchless Rukmini, who was in deep love of Krishna, was forcibly getting married to Sishupala, as a politicial marriage orchestrated by Jarasandha and Rukmi. The marriage was attended by all the well known Krishna antagonists – Jarasandha, Salva, Dantavakra, Vidhuratha and Paundraka.
On receiving Rukmini’s message, Krishna dashed to Vidarbha as the proposed wedding was the next day. Sensing trouble, Balarama followed suit with the entire Vrishni army. Surprised at the unannounced arrival, Bhishmaka offered excellent hospitality. The next day, as Rukmini emerged from the Devi temple after offering her puja, she was eagerly awaiting Krishna. Madhava took her in his garudadhwaja chariot in the presence of all the opponents. As they rallied to chase Krishna and attack with their powerful armies, they were resisted and defeated by the Vrishnis.
Rukmi, unable to brook this insult and defeat, followed Krishna with an akshauhini army with a promise not to return to Kundinapura without Rukmini. Challenging Krishna due to extreme pride, he soon found himself outmatched as Krishna destroyed his entire army and reduced Rukmi to a pitiable state. As he faced certain death, Rukmini fell at Krishna’s feet, pleading mercy. Krishna obliged in sparing his life, yet bound him in his own clothes and partially tonsured Rukmi’s head.
In the interim, Balarama arrived there after defeating all the opponents. He repeatedly chastised Krishna for shaming a relative and consoled Rukmini again and again. Balarama said, blinded and intoxicated by pride and arrogance, infatuated by power and wealth, indiscrimate people only fight with their relatives for the sake of territory, land, wealth, women, reputation or display one’s prowess (राज्यस्य भूमेर्वित्तस्य स्त्रियो मानस्य तेजस: । मानिनोऽन्यस्य वा हेतो: श्रीमदान्धा: क्षिपन्ति हि ॥ rājyasya bhūmer vittasya striyo mānasya tejasaḥ mānino ’nyasya vā hetoḥ śrī-madāndhāḥ kṣipanti hi SB 10-54-41). Balarama’s well meaning advice that made Rukmini give up her sorrow. Eventually Rukmini married Krishna in a great well attended wedding in Dwaraka. On account of his grave loss, Rukmi settled at the place of his defeat, building a city, Bhojakata and a kingdom around it.
Rukmi’s role in Mahabharata war:
Mahabharata fills us will complementary pieces of information that are not available in Srimad Bhagavatam. We need both to understand the puzzle pieces. Mahabharata informs us that an Asura Krodhavasa’s amsa was behind Rukmi’s birth. Rukmi accepted Sahadeva’s suzerainty during his southern conquests. Upon his defeat, he later paid a rich tribute to Karna who ventured on a similar conquest to cheer up Duryodhana and prove his prowess.
The Udyoga Parva captures the details of Rukmi’s role in the Mahabharata. Rukmi mastered dhanurvidya from Druma, a famous Kimpurusha who sits in the court of Kubera. He also bestowed him a powerful bow, Vijaya. Yudhishtra sent a request to support him in the war. Honoring the call, Rukmi raised an akshauhini army and offered it at the feet of Yudhishtra. Despite all the external layers, he had two major flaws - he was too proud of his own strength, despite his defeat to Krishna and he had strong hate for Krishna on the inside. After receiving hospitality from the Pandavas, he addressed Arjuna and offered complete support in the war. But instead of stopping there, his pride made him blurt out his arrogance. He said he will slay one of the heroes – Bhishma, Drona or Karna. Rukmi went on to thunder that he will win the earth from all the kings who have joined forces with Duryodhana and lay it at the feet of the Pandavas. His words hinted that the poor Pandavas will be well protected under his might. This is a big insult to any kshatriya worth his salt.
One must not forget at this point Arjuna is yet to work out his inner misgivings on the true identity as Atman. He still had very strong abhimana for Drona and Bhishma. Arjuna in a pleasant voice shared that he was not afraid of the large size of the Kaurava army. Being a disciple of Drona and guided by Vasudeva, there was no question of being afraid of the enemy. He recalled how he had singlehandedly fought on many occasions. None rendered any assistance during his fight with the Gandharvas and it was only Krishna and himself who took the might of the Devas and Danavas during Khandava dagana episode. It was only on the might of Gandiva he destroyed the Nivatakavachas and Kalakeyas. Having paid his respects and on the blessings of Rudra, Indra, Kubera, Yama, Agni, Varuna, Kripa, Drona and Madhava, on the might of Gandiva and his inexhaustible quivers, how can one be afraid, thus leading to undying infamy?
Arjuna merely stated that he was not reliant on Rukmi and suggested that his decision to stay in the camp or leave made no difference to him. Rukmi didn’t realize that it was his sharp tongue and ego that bruised Arjuna’s in an exhibition of unwanted pride. Unable to tolerate these words, which he took as a personal insult, he went to Duryodhana. He did not learn the lesson from Arjuna and repeated the same words to Duryodhana, who was already too haughty and proud of his own strength. Duryodhana rejected him as well and thus Rukmi was forced to sit out of this epic battle only due to his pride. All the other warriors earned veerasvarga, yet due to his own pride, Rukmi got neither the satisfaction, nor opportunity to redeem himself. He joined Balarama as the only other major warrior who did not participate in the Mahabharata war.
Rukmi’s death: This episode is from Srimad Bhagavtam’s dasama skandha, sixtyfirst adhyaya. Rukmini and Krishna had their first son, Pradyumna. He married Rukmi’s daughter, Rukmavati who bore him the son, Aniruddha. Pradyumna had defeated all the rival kings at her swayamvara. Despite his animonisty, Rukmi was very much attached to his sister, Rukmini. Though such a marriage was not according to shastras, Rukmi was inclined to give his son’s daughter (and his granddaughter), Rochana in marriage to Aniruddha.
On this occasion, after the marriage ceremonies were over, some mischievous kings like the ruler of Kalinga advised Rukmi to take advantage of Balarama’s weakness to gamble and his lack of expertise and defeat him. In the bygone times, this defeat was equaled to the loss in battlefield; hence Yudhishtra could not refuse the game of dice. Balarama repeatedly lost with increasing stakes to Rukmi. The King of Kalinga was jeering Balarama that only added to his irritation. In the next wager of a lakh of panas (gold coins), Balarama won, but Rukmi falsely claimed victory. The game proceeded with a fuming Balarama playing ten crore panas. Balarama had won that in a straight game. Rukmi claimed victory on false grounds and asked the spectators to take his side. An akashavani announced that “Balarama won playing a fair game and Rukmi was false”.
Prompted by the evil kings and Kaala, Rukmi ignored the aerial voice and started abusing Balarama (and indirectly Krishna). He ridiculed that playing dice or sporting with arrows is meant for Kings like him and not wandering cowherds. Being mocked thus, besides being called as a cheater in game, the enraged Balarama struck Rukmi dead with his club. He knocked the teeth of the King of Kalinga who was running in fear. Other Kings scattered after getting thrashed by Balarama.
Krishna maintained silence for he could neither support Balarama nor console Rukmini as it would displease the other (निहते रुक्मिणि श्याले नाब्रवीत् साध्वसाधु वा । रक्मिणीबलयो राजन् स्नेहभङ्गभयाद्धरि: ॥ nihate rukmiṇi śyāle nābravīt sādhv asādhu vā rakmiṇī-balayo rājan sneha-bhaṅga-bhayād dhariḥ SB 10-61-39)
Understanding Krishna – applying in our lives:
Tolerance: Rukmi did transgress his limits on different occasions. Krishna forgave his initial violation, due to his love for Rukmini. The new bride to be had a first request and it was hard for Krishna not to oblige to her. But he did ensure that Rukmi will remember the humiliation of the defeat by partially tonsuring his hair. Years later, Krishna had Pradyumna marry Rukmavati, Rukmi’s daughter and eventually his grandson, Aniruddha to marry Rukmi’s granddaughter, Rochana.
In all relationships, there has to be give and take. Sometimes, for a larger cause one has to bite the bullet. Yet one has to be aware of the red line. When dharma of any sort gets violated, one must take sides with dharma, lest the fallout consumes the ones on the wrong side.
Tamas: Many of Krishna’s antagonists have been giving us an excellent insight into Tamas and how not to be. Rukmi initially forced his father Bhishmaka and sister Rukmini to agree to the political marriage with Sishupala, though even the common man was of the opinion that Krishna was the only correct match for Rukmini. Thanks to the alert and brave actions of Rukmini, she ended up with Krishna. To counter Tamas, proper timely action outside the comfort zone is a must.
Another form of Rukmi’s Tamas was expressed as his extreme arrogance and pride. When the entire world was in awe of Arjuna’s prowess, Rukmi slighted him by saying that he alone would kill Bhishma, Drona and Karna and all the kings and hand them over to the Pandavas. Though it can pass as bravado, the arrogance was very evident. Arjuna rightly gave the choice back to him to stay or leave. If his thinking was clear he would have stayed, but he went to the opposite side and declare that he alone could win the battle for Kauravas. His arrogance brought him the same rejection and thus he was the only major warrior, besides Balarama to sit out this epic war. Tamas blinds us from learning during opportunistic moments.
Tamas again was at the root of his cheating in a silly game and worse yet calling names. Tamas in the end, led to his brutal death.
Krishna’s lesson in timely silence: Krishna teaches us a wonderful example of how to handle in delicate situations with his silence. Many times, the urge to respond is so ingrained in us that we react. No matter how one responds, it can have disastrous consequences. In such situations, the best and only response is silence. Rukmi’s death was a shock to Rukmini and worse yet right after the marriage ceremonies. Balarama on the other hand was fuming due to the abuses of Rukmi and his friends. He felt he was responding on behalf of Krishna and himself. If Krishna consoled Rukmini, this would have definitely enraged Balarama. On the other hand, if Krishna did even a simple sign language of patting Balarama, let alone agree to his indignation or worse yet, inform Balarama that he had completed the task that was stopped by his own deeds, Rukmini would have been furious. Silence is a good response in scenarios like these.
Change or perish: Rukmi was granted special pardon because of Rukmini. Despite the years, he had not overcome his natural tendencies. He refused to change, worse yet, in time, his arrogance only had strengthened. Krishna would have killed him during his very first encounter. Yet ironically, Balarama who criticized Krishna by lecturing not to hurt relatives was the same person who ended up killing Rukmi. Krishna seems to have used Balarama to do the same task that he was against.
Our vasanas are powerful. They guide us continuously towards its native tendencies. Since they regulate our gunas and therefore our Karmas, unless we bring forth a conscious change in our gunas by exerting our Purusharthas, we will be naturally pulled by the same old inclinations. Our Purushartha is nothing more than an attempt to overcome our vasanas and in the direction of superior goals. Rajas and Tamas act very heavily on our Purusharthas and prevent our guna composition from becoming Satvic.
To beat all these odds, consistent Sadhana is the key, as also satsangha and regular study of the scriptures. Itihasapuranas help us in this cause by reminding the fate of the different characters and their actions. Since we relate with others, regular study and reflection of the Itihasapuranas can help most of us. May we continuously work in increasing our Sattva guna. May Krishna’s life and actions, words and wisdom continue to inspire us in making every effort in furthering in this spiritual journey.
ॐ तत् सत
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